I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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