did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
