twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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