She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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