We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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