Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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