I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
