I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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