3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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