my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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