apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
