I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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