Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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