I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
