I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
