you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
