My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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