dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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