Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
