I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize