It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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