he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
