My liver just broke up with me...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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