So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
