what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
