Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
