I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
