Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room