Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?