i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you never un-have a 4some