Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.