Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?