So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
