Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
