somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
