Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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