You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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