shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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