having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
