Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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