Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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