remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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