Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize