It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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