I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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