why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
