Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
