she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize