I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
