I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
