it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
