Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
