ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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