You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
