My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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