Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
