why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
