I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
