please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
