I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
