I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
