people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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