Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
