this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
did i just pee glitter
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
