she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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