where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
