I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
