I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
