I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
