people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
