I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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