Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
