Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
