I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
