Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
