respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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