How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You can't special order awesome
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
