I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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