i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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