Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
