So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
