I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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