How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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