I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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