Sry I called you an 8
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
