We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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